I met my husband six years ago when we both had just graduated college. He was a lovely guy, handsome and very well put together. He loved muscle cars and weight lifting and I loved everything about him. I fell in love with him instantly and was over the moon when he asked me to marry him. A year into our marriage, I became pregnant with our son and gained about 30 lbs. I was 5’3” 125lbs before the baby, and 155lbs after the baby. I still fit into the same clothing sizes, so I didn’t think I had gained too much weight and that it would come off with breastfeeding and some more exercise. After the baby, my husband started pressuring me to lose the weight.
I could feel it in the air that he wasn’t attracted to me anymore. He started avoiding me in every way possible, and he couldn’t even share a bed with me.
At first, I thought I was exaggerating, but it turned out I was right. I think everything changed that night when I tried to surprise him with his favorite meal. I went to the market with my son and picked up everything I needed to prepare the lasagna the way he wanted it.
He came back home at around 6 pm, as usual. I greeted him at the door with a hug and a kiss since I wanted to make him feel loved. I took his hand and brought him to the dining room. I lit the candles to create a romantic atmosphere, brought the lasagna to the table and put a part of it on his plate.
I sat across him and noticed that his mood changed instantly. I asked him what happened, and he replied, “Don’t you think you should eat a salad?”
I tried to calm the atmosphere down and responded, “Sweetheart, I wanted this evening to be special for both of us, one serving of lasagna will not change anything.”
I am still not sure what I did wrong, but he got very angry, threw his plate on the ground, stood up and started shouting: “Maybe you need to change something! MAYBE you should consider dieting! I did NOT marry this woman! What happened to you? Why can’t you look like before? Do you think it’s easy for me?!”
I couldn’t say anything. Tears started to well up in my eyes as he slammed the door and went outside. I remember that night I fell asleep crying.
The next day things got even worse. He said that his friends were making comment about how fat I had gotten and that he was not as attracted to me as he was before I had the baby. He gave me an ultimatum that I either would have to lose the 30lbs in six months or he would leave me.
I was very upset about the demand, but I didn’t want to lose him since I loved him very much, so I tried my hardest to lose the weight. Every day for months I would wake up and go to hot yoga for 90 minutes. Nothing less. After work I would run or do some body weight exercises. I tried to keep my calorie count below 1200 as he suggested, since I had to lose 2 or more lbs per week.
The weight slowly but surely started to come off and I was back down to 130lbs by the end of the six months.
My husband seemed happy and things looked like they would be okay.
As soon as I lost the weight, I noticed a shift in the attitude of my husband’s friends. I can’t deny that most of them are perfectly nice guys, but few of them are absolute pieces of s**t. Those were the same ones that called me fat.
Once I returned to my old weight, these friends started commenting about me and how good looking and sexy I was. I told my husband to make them stop since I heard them several times talking behind my back. He told me not to worry and that he would take care of it, but the rude comments never stopped.
I channeled all my frustrations into working out and I lost an additional 15lbs of body fat and got more toned.
This past weekend my husband’s fiends were over at our house. I was acting normal as usual and offered them snacks and beer. When I went in the kitchen and opened the fridge, I felt a warm air on my neck. One of my husband’s friends grabbed me and tried to grope me.
I told my husband and even though he was angry at his friend, he was angry at me as well. The only thing he said was that I was leading his friends on by losing so much weight and that I was trying to make myself skinny so that I could cheat on him.
I was disgusted by this accusation and immediately packed my bags, took my son and went to my mother’s house.
Last night, my husband called me and begged me to come back home. He said that he knew he was unfair to me and that he won’t let his friends come over anymore. But I am so tired of dealing with this and I told him that I am not sure if I want him back in my life.
He is the one that told me to lose weight, but now he is blaming me for being to skinny and I am afraid he is going to make me develop an eating disorder. This morning I decided to file for a divorce, and I got him to pack up his luggage and leave. It was more than obvious that our relationship was not going to work out because it was entirely tied to my weight and appearance. The fact that he was willing to leave me over how I looked is just appalling and no woman should ever have to put up with a man like that.
I am so much better off without him. I have someone who loves me the way I am. My son. Hopefully, he’ll discover what he lost, and he won’t treat the next woman the way he treated me.
Don’t be afraid to walk away from things, places and people that leave your soul heavy.